Warning, disturbing video. Extremely graphic and gory. Do not watch! I repeat, do NOT watch! — A Colorado man was taken to a medical center after President Joe Biden attacked him with former presidential candidate Al Gore. That’s right, the aging Prez is still quite strong. He picked up the forgotten climate change dude and used him as a kind of jousting spear and rammed the…

You should taste her meatloaf, it’s to die for — Allison Fluke-Ekren, recently convicted of being an Isis leader, says her favorite thing about training girls to become ISIS operatives was adapting the midwest recipes she grew up with to her new middle-eastern environment. “You can’t get some of the ingredients in Syria in the terrorist training camps,” she explained…

During which I get about halfway through Russian Doll starring Natasha Lyonne and I get bored and turn it off. — I’m stuck in an existential hell, really. Every day I wake up and I think I want to watch Season Two of Russian Doll because I love Natasha Lyonne and I really can’t wait to see what happens next. So then I live my day, and then I get home…

Ronald Reagan was the furthest thing from gay that ever existed, ‘kay? Don’t even! — So now the libs have crossed the line. Today a little lady sent me a letter saying she read in some lib paper that Ronald Regan was a secret homosexual. Dear Manny The Mansplainer, I write you heartbroken. As you know from our previous correspondence, I named our first two…

Courtesy of Fox News.* And no, gun control did not make it on the list. — Banning assault rifles will in no way stop the use of assault rifles in school shootings. It just won’t, lib! Accept it. And try these other solutions instead: Armed Teachers Armed Principals Armed Assistant Principals Armed School Psychologists Armed Attendance Office Clerks Armed Parent Volunteers Armed Veterans of Foreign Wars and Other Retired Police or Military or Militia Members on School Grounds At All Times

A Salute to the Men Who Make this Great Day Possible — Hey guys, so the plan is the mothers will go hiking while we make them dinner. Listen I bought a $100 bottle of wine especially for this event which we can drink while they are hiking. With regard to the menu, I know steak is our favorite dudes but our…

Police rule out Mannix — Show Ended in 1975 — Police are looking into a barrel and trying to figure out who the dead person inside it is, and which show they were murdered on. Lake Mead is getting shallower and shallower. It’s basically just a mud puddle right now. I don’t know what people in Los Angeles think they…

Are we the baddies? — Mikhail, my friend. My esteemed colleague. We’ve known each other a long time, haven’t we, buddy. “Yes.” Well, as a high-ranking member of the Russian military, someone who is deeply involved in nuclear armaments and that sort of thing, I must say I am a little confused. Satan? What kind…

Sykes rumored to have gone into hiding after receiving threats from former Fresh Prince — Some folks are wondering if Will Smith maybe can’t take a joke. The comedian Wanda Sykes imitated Will’s portrayal of tennis dad King Richard pushing shopping cart full of tennis balls at the Oscars last night. Most thought it was kind of cute. But hair trigger Will was apparently not amused. “I’m a kick her ass,” he seethed in the audience, and…