Inside a crappy studio apartment in something called a dingbat apartment building in an undesirable district of Los Angeles, a team wearing space suits ventures forth on a mission to simulate conditions on Mars.
Well, when I say team, I mean me and my miniature poodle, Mac, who is not…
He looks like scientist Rodney Bookings from MIT, but he’s really a hyper realistic robot designed by artificial intelligence overlords to brainwash humanity as our society is slowly taken away from us.
“Yes, it’s true that I am a robot,” admitted the embattled scientist at a brief press conference in…
Unfortunately, there are a few bugs in the system
It was a brilliant technical breakthrough that allowed Mercedes engineers to attach an electrode band to the driver’s head that would read the driver’s thoughts. However, there have been some hiccups. …
And some other stuff you should do immediately.
Do This Immediately if You Have Diabetes
Go to a doctor. (Preferably an endocrinologist.)
Do This Immediately if You Have an Enlarged Prostate
Push. Push. Push. If nothing happens, run water. Or lean forward. And push!
Do This Immediately if You Have a Debit Card
Use it to subscribe to my Patreon.
Do This Immediately if You Are Working from Home on Zoom
Put your pants on!!!!
Do This Immediately if Your Dog Licks His Paws
Enjoy life.
Do This Immediately if Your Cat Is Missing
Open your door and say very loudly, “Here Kitty Kitty!”
Do This Immediately if You Are Stung By A Bee
Cry. It fucking hurts, I know!
Do This Immediately if Your Toilet Won’t Flush
Flush…
Former Seinfeld weirdo was just “too controversial”
Michael Richards, famous for playing Kramer for 9 seasons on TV’s beloved Seinfeld show, has been axed from Jeopardy after a tumultuous hand wringing and tortuous session of corporate virtue signaling.
“We cannot in good conscience let Kramer give the ‘answers,’” explained network spokesperson Philippa Delphia.
Remember, the answers are…
We all love these top ten lists, there’s no question about that. Top ten countries, top ten states, top ten small towns. And of course, the perennial favorite, top ten cities.
Why Are These Lists So Popular?
Well, duh. Many people live in cities. And many people are obsessed with themselves. …
Jill Biden still a big fan; Hunter not so sure.
After the fiasco in Afghanistan, it’s no surprise that President Biden’s approval rating has hit the skids. But nobody expected it to get this bad.
“I don’t care if you approve of me,” said President Biden. “That’s not why I took this job. Wait a minute — why did I…
Free With Your AARP Membership!
Don’t you wish you had this guide in the good ole days?
It’s too late now. Even if you study this newsletter and master all of these skills, the sad truth is that these games and practices are now completely obsolete because… iPhones.
Nobody does this stuff any more. Does that make you feel old? It shouldn’t. …
