If the Second Civil War is coming then we need to be prepared — Hello, Silverlake neighbors. My name is Curtis, and this is Deborah doing the signing. Thanks, Deborah. And welcome, everyone. None of you probably ever thought that would be joining a citizen’s militia group. I know I never did. I thought I spend my entire life drinking Intelligentsia coffee, getting tattoos…

I didn’t know what hospice was. I thought it was like a creamy torium or something. — “Creamy torium, you knucklehead! You mean crematorium?” “Is that a place where they put dead bodies in a stove and then forget to set a timer and they burn them by mistake, like Mom does sometimes when she is baking cookies but she takes one too many of her Mom…

I think we just wasted a bunch of money, just saying. — I know, they are very similar, and it’s kind of too close to call, but I’m biased. Since I did these drawings, I vote for my Spirographs over this:

But are audiences ready to go that meta? — “A lot of people called me crazy,” says Ruddy. “Why would anyone care about the story of a producer trying to get The Godfather made? But I proved them wrong. My new series was such a hit that Paramount have just greenlit my next one. It’s going to be called…

Same news source, same web page. — How is that fair, Matt Drudge? I mean, sure, Biden shuffles and his staff are afraid he’ll trip, but I play Willie Nelson songs on shuffle all day and I KNOW he trips. Well, actually I don’t know that. But Jimmie Carter said Willie Nelson smoked weed on the roof…

Yes, it’s come to this. — Ever fantasized about living in a palace? Have I got news for you! Your fantasy can now come true. And in the most fabulous palace on earth — Buckingham Palace — thanks to the financial difficulties of the Royal Family’s worst pedo, Prince Andrew.

Warning, disturbing video. Extremely graphic and gory. Do not watch! I repeat, do NOT watch! — A Colorado man was taken to a medical center after President Joe Biden attacked him with former presidential candidate Al Gore. That’s right, the aging Prez is still quite strong. He picked up the forgotten climate change dude and used him as a kind of jousting spear and rammed the…

You should taste her meatloaf, it’s to die for — Allison Fluke-Ekren, recently convicted of being an Isis leader, says her favorite thing about training girls to become ISIS operatives was adapting the midwest recipes she grew up with to her new middle-eastern environment. “You can’t get some of the ingredients in Syria in the terrorist training camps,” she explained…

During which I get about halfway through Russian Doll starring Natasha Lyonne and I get bored and turn it off. — I’m stuck in an existential hell, really. Every day I wake up and I think I want to watch Season Two of Russian Doll because I love Natasha Lyonne and I really can’t wait to see what happens next. So then I live my day, and then I get home…