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Oxford Comma, Go Fuck Yourself!
It’s no more Mr. Nice Guy for me when it comes to language.
I’m frankly tired of it — all these vagaries of proper English. Next time frickin Grammarly tells me to stick in a damn comma before the third and final member of a series, I’m gonna throw this god damned computer out the window, you hear me? Why? Three reasons — it’s stupid, wasteful and a pain in my ass. See? I didn’t put the Oxford comma there. Did it in any way inhibit the comprehension of that statement? Didn’t think so.
Also, afterwards.
This is what will happen “afterwards.”
That’s right motherfuckers, I’m leaving in the s and I’m typing afterwards. Not afterward.
And I’m getting a nice little red underline under that word every god damned time I type it.
You know what I’m gonna do to that god damned red line? I’m gonna take it, and wrap it around Grammarly’s god damned neck because you know what, afterwards sounds better than afterward and that’s the way people talk so go fuck yourself Grammarly!
I’m not going to put up with it any more.
That’s right. Two words. Any. And more.
No, I’m not going to type it anymore. I hate that. That was never a word when I was a kid. Since when did it become correct to put two words, German style, together like that for no god damned good reason, huh? This ain’t German, motherfuckers. It’s English. We don’t just stick words together.
And whilst I’m at it…
I’ve got another complaint about this mind numbing stylistic fascism from Grammarly. No, I’m not going to write mind-numbing. You don’t have to put a hyphen between every god damned two-word advective, you idiot, Grammarly. The only time I would need to put a hyphen there would be to avoid confusion, for instance, in a sentence like “Would you mind numbing my teeth, Dentist, before you begin your mind-numbing conversation, none of which I can respond to because I have a god damned drill stuck in my mouth? Huh?”
Grammarly wants to put a hyphen everywhere. It’s hyphen crazy. And I’m sick of it. I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore. See…
